Friday, August 10, 2018

Note to self


I have been having a good time boning up on philosophy. I see most philosophical endeavors as inferior to the real message of Christ. Yet that doesn't mean they shouldn't be studied, if only to be refuted. And surely it is somewhat unchristian to disrespect thinkers who may disagree with Christianity. On the other hand, maybe a false prophet should be called a false prophet.

But those remarks aren't the main point of this note. What I wish to say is that though my desire to dig in to philosophy has, I believe, merit, there is something wrong. I have been a follower of Christ since age 25, and here I am at 72 having a problem with the flesh, i.e. the selfish, bodily part of the self. I am not talking about sex -- though I have plenty to confess on that subject. I am talking about compulsive book-buying. It is easy to say that stocking up on every book for which one has a hankering is a harmless hobby. But I know that I am responding to the silly desire of the acquisitive flesh.

I am not a fast reader, and so I know I am fooling myself when I buy so much. I realize that other people fling money around much more wildly. But what's that to me? The point is that I am yielding to the flesh when I ought not. Some books, fine. But my madcap book-buying spree makes no sense. Well, why do I hurt my spiritual walk? Partly, I like to think I can become fairly knowledgeable on this subject. Yet, why should I? How much do I need? Am I truly letting God guide me or am I more or less presuming on his kindness?

A substantial factor here I think is my use daily of pseudoephedrine decongestant, which I take in order to counter some of the effects of the leukemia I am dealing with. The stuff is a mild stimulant, but unfortunately my system tends to overreact to various medicines. Hence, what happens is that my impulsivity is increased, making me a hair-trigger impulse shopper. I realize I am not being a good steward with God's money.

I know in my head that I have been spiritually off-base, even though I have been having a hard time feeling anything about this slippage. I guess I am assuming that one of these days I'll get around to repenting. Still, I am confident that God will help me to straighten up and get back on track -- and do better this time.

It is possibly relevant that I have been sorely afflicted in the flesh -- literally -- by a parasitic mite infestation that I have been fighting for seven months, with doctors baffled as to how to deal with this -- the right word is "demonic" -- attack.

While I'm at it, I should point out another major shortfall: the way I eat. After all these years, I still like to gorge, as in eat one big meal a day. The flesh just drives me when I'm supposedly hungry. Should not I have more experience with fasting and prayer, something I rarely do? When Jesus urges us to consume him, he means that spiritual manna is much better than three squares a day. A spiritual man learns to do without such, and to enjoy the rare spiritual delicacies of God. I know this, and yet here I am stuck in this same old rut. Even so, I expect God will for sure put me right.

In fact he once told me that "we can drag you in" to the kingdom of God, if necessary.

Well that's a good thing. A savior who saves the intractable bungle-heads -- to the uttermost.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. — 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

No comments:

Post a Comment

Maybe you're God

What if the kooky idea of solipsism is a divine hint? A solipsist is a person who thinks his is the only mind in the universe and that...